The Birds and the Bees

Oh yes, we're nearly there. 

My oldest was five and her sister about four when the subject of how babies are made first came up. The three of us were laying in my bed together on a rainy Oregon morning chatting when one of them wondered allowed, "How does the baby get out of your tummy?" Wanting to spare them any gruesome details, I remember replying, "With the doctor's help." That weak answer seemed to pacify them for about a minute before the follow-up questions bubbled up.

"Does it hurt?" ~Yes. But not so much that I didn't want to do it a second time (kiss for the littlest).

"Does everybody need a doctor to help?" ~No, but it's more common to have a doctor help.

"When I have a baby will I cry?" ~You might, but I'll bet they will be happy tears. 

"How does the baby get in there?" ~It grows there from an egg. And guess what? You already have eggs in your body to make babies. You are lucky to be born a girl because you get to carry the eggs from the moment you're born and then you get to grow the baby. Boys don't get to do that and let me assure you, it's amazing when you're not vomiting, exhausted, or crazy with hormones. (I decided to save those other things for later.)

"But what about the Daddy?" ~Oh my goodness. The daddy is so so important. You can't grow a baby without a daddy. A mommy needs a daddy's help to make the egg grow into a baby. You can't just wish for your eggs to turn into babies, you have to choose the best daddy for your babies first. Then after you get married, when you feel like you're ready, you can decide together when it's time to start a family. 

We talked a bit longer about adoption and what an amazing option that is for many families. We even touched on surrogacy. Through all of this, I was able to avoid specific questions about exactly HOW daddies help the eggs grow into babies. We left the subject with everyone feeling content and informed. That was about 3 years ago… 

Then the other day while the three of us were getting a snack together, out of nowhere, the younger one asks, "So how does the husband {Yay!} help the wife grow a baby?" To which the other one adds, "Yeah. He doesn't just stand next to her or hug her, right? How does he help? What does he do?" 

And here we are. 

I always thought when it came down to the nitty-gritty, and the girls started asking more pointed questions, that I would approach the actual "Birds and the Bees" conversation with grace, science, a conversational tone, and perhaps a visual aid or two. However, this was long before I realized that my adorable daughters have super big mouths and share absolutely everything with all of their friends and also anyone else within earshot. Trust me, odds are that your little darlings do the same--but probably not nearly to the degree that my loudmouths do. 

So here's the thing: While I think that I could do a fairly decent job of keeping the details simple, steering clear of embarrassment and shame, providing age-appropriate content, and offering frank answers… I'm more than a bit hesitant to become the parent of the child who will (likely) mix up her facts while relating all of this incredible science regarding sperm, eggs, uteruses, and all the other fascinating mechanics of reproduction to your child. (Special emphasis for the parents of other children who ride the "purple bus." As I'm sure you already know, a TON of heavy shit gets debated and discussed on that route!) 

Making this sticky situation even stickier (Pun intended. Too much?) is the fact that we no longer live in über-liberal Portland, Oregon. We now live in far-less-liberal North Carolina. I have to say, this is a big part of the dilemma for me. I can tell you that on more than one occasion over the last year, my adorably agnostic and possibly atheist children have been relegated on the aforementioned purple bus with tales of hellfire and doom because of their refusal to agree with the spiritual opinions and religious beliefs of the majority of riders on that lumbering, yellow vessel of unsupervised sharing amongst children aged five to eleven. (Thankfully, they were not too upset by the dire warnings of their bus mates, as the more outspoken one of the two shot back, "I suppose those threats only work if you believe in hell or the devil.") In any event, I'm left to assume that there's not a lot of frank discussion regarding either birds or bees happening in the homes of other 7 and 8 year olds around here. I suspect that mine are on the younger end of the spectrum regarding the topic--but I can't be sure… I don't mind. I'm happy they're inquisitive and we have always celebrated curiosity. It's just much more straightforward when, as was the case this evening, the topics included: the atmosphere, gravity, and planetary orbit.

I managed to avoid really answering The Question during our snack-making sidetrack but I know they noticed my hedging and I feel like they're ready for some answers. I don't want to keep side-stepping the issue because one of the things I value most and really want to hang onto is the idea that we can talk about anything together--even the hard stuff. Now is the time to lay out the foundation for honesty, trust, and open communication that I know is going to be so much more important in the coming years. They deserve an answer.

It goes without saying that I will strongly urge my girls to be discreet when it comes to the topic of baby-making with anyone other than myself or their father; however, we've explored that road a bit here today and I want to be realistic too. At some point the topic will come up among their peers and mine will want to contribute to the conversation. So here's what I'm wondering: To what extent need I consider everyone else's parenting decisions while making my own? And here's another thing: Do you happen to have a handy visual aid (or two) I might borrow? {wink}

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Words of Wisdom--Clearly, Not Mine.

The following is an essay by writer, Anna Quindlen regarding her thoughts on motherhood. I was first introduced to these words by my girlfriend, Gretchen, about six months ago (Thank you, Gretchen!). They resonated with me and I've been making an effort to embrace the message and live it more consciously each day. I was reminded of this essay again tonight while enjoying the company of my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, reminiscing about when the girls were "just babies." Thankfully, in still moments like this one, I am able to recognize that they are still "just babies" and I am embracing the challenges, just as I am embracing the bliss--because all of it is a gift.


All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past. 

Everything in all the books I once poured over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, have all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories. What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations --what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all. 

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2. 

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there some thing wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China . Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, 'Remember-When- Mom-Did Hall of Fame.' The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pick up. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, 'What did you get wrong?'. (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking? 

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get onto the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. 

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.


Cheers to the ride!

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That's Snot Funny!

Thanks to something my friend Janelle (ER Doc) and mother of soon-to-be FOUR children, I was able to avoid a trip to the emergency room this afternoon.

Piper got up from her nap complaining that her nose hurt.

Piper: Dare's sumping in dare!

Me: Would you like me to take a look?

P: Yes.

I saw something that looked like it was shiny, way up in her nose. I thought it might be a weird booger. She was complaining that it hurt and feeling on the outside of her nose, I could tell it was hard.

Hmm... ?

Me: Did you put something in your nose?

P: Yes.

Me: What is it?

P: A boo-i-full diamond.

Great. (sigh)

By covering her unobstructed nostril with my finger, I placed my mouth over her mouth and pushed air into her mouth. After a couple tries this wasn't working so I had to go for the more aggressive (and grosser) method.

Keeping my finger over her clear nostril, I placed my mouth over her nose and sucked.

Pop.

Into my mouth came this clear plastic bead.

Otherwise known as "a boo-i-ful diamond."

Ta-da!

Thanks Nelly! The sun is shining and we'd like to get outside to play with our friends instead of spending this boo-i-ful day in the ER.

By the way, Moms who might be reading this, the technique works well on raisins too!

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Polar Express

We ventured out to Hood River for a magical ride on the Polar Express this year!

The train took off from the station headed for a wintery visit with the big man himself.

All the kids wore pajamas and slippers. "Elf Helpers" roamed the cars to show the children the pages of the story, The Polar Express while it was read aloud over the speaker system.

She might look skeptical in this photo... but she got onboard with the experience in full swing.

Especially once she got her cookies and hot cocoa... or should I say, cookies and cup of whipped cream?

We picked up Santa at the North Pole and he made is rounds through all of the train cars to visit each and every kid.

See what I mean?

Zero skepticism.

We were delighted to share the holiday experience with the Keys Family.

Campbell did not "embrace" the idea of sitting on Santa's lap--but had a great time anyway!

See you next year Santa!

(Ok... so to be honest, it wasn't nearly fun enough to do it again next year... but maybe in 2011?)

Cheers!

(And NO... I could not get that other eye red-free!?!)

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New Addition

Robert Benjamin Haskell Jr.

joined our family this year and we couldn't be more excited to welcome the little guy.

My cousin Jenn was a champ in the delivery room.

I was able to get up to Washington and meet him when he was just a couple days old.

New babies are so snoogley and nice!

Just look at this beautiful boy!

A few weeks later, Little Bobby and his family came down to Oregon to visit us at our house. Piper, who is forever pretending to be a mother was beside herself to be able to hold a real baby!

Geneva was a delighted at her chance to care for her new cousin also.

It's always so amazing to note how much they develop in the first few weeks... already getting to be such a big boy!

Here's the happy family on Christmas Day at our house.

Here are the Robert Benjamin Haskell's relaxing together on the couch.

I'm sure you'll be seeing much more of Bobby Junior on my blog (now that I have a little time to keep it updated better).

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Swimming!

The girls have been taking swim lessons for a couple months. They absolutely love to be in the water. Their swim instructor is "Mr. Keith."

They've "upgraded" to wearing goggles and swim caps (to keep their hair out of their eyes). I am absolutely aware that they are going to have to go to therapy at some later date to work through the issues they will likely develop when they become aware that I made them look this way on purpose:

The video below (not available if you're reading this on my facebook feed--come on over to the actual blog: www.genevaavery.blogspot.com to watch it) contains some snippets of their most recent lesson.

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Balance

As you know (if you've been reading) we had an amazing weekend. I loved nearly every moment of it. Of course the universe believes in balance... Hence, my week so far.

Sunday, late, Avery started feeling pretty fussy. She's usually quite the pistol and she just seemed to sputter out. At first, I attributed it to her eventful weekend, then Monday morning came along and she was no better. Her cough was lingering, the nose running went from clear to cloudy (then green) and her eyes started producing green boogies too (sorry if that's TMI). I was certain she had a sinus infection so I took her to the pediatrician's office after we dropped NeeNee off at school.

Turns out she has a double ear infection and some fluid in her lung.

Wow. She's SICK.

Needless to say she's on antibiotics (her "meds" as she calls them). They're PINK. This is very exciting. Geneva wants some too. "No," I say. "Sissy is really sick. These are special meds for her. She has an ear infection. Sorry." The pink meds are not easily forgotten.

Monday afternoon is hot and Piper is feeling a bit better. We bust out the sprinkler in the driveway and have an impromptu neighborhood kid party.

Everyone has a great time...

... especially Geneva. She feels great.

Though, that night she asks for some of Sissy's pink meds because she's "sick."

"No," I say. "No meds for you."

Tuesday Greg leaves for Baltimore. We skip swim lessons because the doctor thinks that would be best. We have a mellow day. Geneva is not as "high strung" as she usually is... I attribute this to our quiet day.

She certainly hadn't lost her sense of humor. Here she is "reading" my book. Apparently, I must look like this a lot of the time? Funny. She actually laid there flipping pages for about 4-5 minutes. Good thing she can't actually read (since that's one of my "trashy" vampire novels--Sookie Stackhouse anyone?).

Today she woke up at 5:15 am rather than her usual 6:45 and did not manage to fall back to sleep. I took her to school and went to the gym. When I finished my workout, I retrieved my phone from the locker room and noticed (with alarm) that I had missed a call from her school (they have NEVER called before), a call from Greg (in Baltimore), and a text from Greg as well. 

Turns out Miss Geneva is complaining that her ear hurts and has had a huge crying fit over it at school. Her teacher is so alarmed (because Geneva "just doesn't DO that") she called to have us come get her (though she has no fever). By the time I got the message and called back, Geneva was curled up, sound asleep in the "kitchen" at school. It was 11:30 am. Nap time is typically at 1:00 pm after she gets home from school. 

I rushed over with Avery and collected my very sleepy girl. As soon as she opened her eyes she pointed to her right ear and started whimpering. She asked if she could have some pink meds because her ear hurt.

"No Honey." I said, "I think you need a nap first." Because obviously she's not really sick--she's just VERY tired and obsessed with her sister's pink medicine.

"Can you take me to the doctor's?" she asked.

"Let's see how you feel after your nap," I reasoned.

"Ok Mom."

She slept for 3 hours at home and while she slept I agonized over whether I would "waste" the money taking her to the doctor's when I knew she didn't really have an ear infection. I made an appointment anyway.

When she woke up she looked WAY better. I asked her how she was feeling and she indicated that her ear was still hurting. Funny thing is, she was tugging at her LEFT ear.

"Honey, it costs a lot of money to go to the doctor's office," I told her. She just looked at me. "If you're really feeling bad and you think you need to see the doctor, then I think I'm going to take some money from your piggy bank to pay for the appointment. Do you feel like you still need to go--even if Mommy uses your money?"

She asked, "But what about my college?"

"We have lots of time to save for that. I wont have to use all of your money for the appointment (of course I'm not serious... I just want to hear her reaction). Do you NEED to go to the doctor? Do you feel really bad?"

"Yes," she reports soberly.

So we went... even though I knew it was a waste of time and money.

Here she was "playing it up" on the exam table before Dr. Cooley came in.

Doesn't she look pathetically sweet? Oh, and sooo very sick. (Yea, right.)

Well...

(Any you knew this was coming.)

... turns out Geneva has a double ear infection as well.

Seriously.

I'm not joking.

It's not as bad as Piper's because we (I mean Geneva) caught it earlier. It seems they've both been fighting another virus (the family cough we've been struggling with for almost 2 weeks now) and as the virus moved on the bacteria moved in.

Wonderful.

In case you're wondering, Yes... I am choking on my shoe right now!

Awesome.

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A New Tactic

Geneva is beginning to understand the concept of delayed gratification. So I am taking advantage of this and have instituted our new

"Good Choices Chart."

As many of you may know, I'm big on pointing out to the kids that they are making their own choices. A favorite expression of mine is, "Choose listening." If I want them to put their shoes on so we can leave the house I might say, "You can choose your pink sneakers or your brown boots." When they don't want to do something (like take a nap) I might say, "It's your choice; however, if you don't take a nap you wont get to watch your show (or play outside, or do your art project, etc.) so you decide: nap and show or no nap and no fun."

What I'm finding is that some of my schedule is getting interrupted by means of following through on a consequence I've doled out to one of them. In order to keep more consistency with our rewards/consequences and to make my job a little easier, I put together this chart:

If you look closely, you'll see that Geneva needs to earn 5 "stars" in order to attend her friend Jaysa's birthday party on Saturday (obviously, the "reward" will change every week). The stars can be added to the chart and also taken away. We start the day with a star. The goal is to finish the day with the star. The star comes a goes throughout the day but the girls are given a chance to "earn back" their star if the situation presents itself before bedtime.

Avery doesn't have a "goal" at the end of her row... but she's still grasping the concept and doesn't seem to notice that she's missing anything.

They are really into THE CHART. 

Here they are making one as a gift... 

It's for GGPa. I'm sure he'll be so pleased to know he has his own "Good Choices Chart" now too.

Can you believe this little sweetheart doesn't always make the best choice on the first try?

Shocking right?

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Swim Lessons

Piper and Geneva started swim lessons yesterday.

They had so much fun!

Here they are all suited up and waiting for Coach Keith to start their lesson.

They learned to climb out of the water first:

"elbow, elbow, tummy, knee."

The water is nearly 4 feet deep here... it's was a little scary for me to watch them both be in the water without "floaties" on.

They took turns practicing skills. I was super impressed with Coach Keith managing both monkeys and yet also doing one-on-one with each. Geneva is standing on a platform and Piper is floating on a small raft.

Here they are on a raft ride: kicking feet, blowing bubbles, and submerging their faces in the water.

Piper practices her kicking on the sidelines while she waits her turn for dunking or back-floating. By the end of our 30 minutes they were jumping off the side into the water to be retrieved by Coach Keith.

The best part: Mommy didn't have to get wet!

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Indulge Me...

...I really missed my monkeys while we were on vacation. I didn't miss them so much that I was unable to have a great time on said vacation--obviously.

Anyhoo, this entry is simply about how darling my girls are and how lucky I am to be their Mom.

Here's Geneva after gymnastics yesterday. Just look at that terrific mop!

They're so entertaining now that they conspire, play, negotiate and collaborate.

Geneva made Heart Cookies at preschool on Wednesday and got to enjoy her "project" after her nap. Yep, she's nude--should be no surprise if you've been paying attention to half the pictures I post. Of course the real percentage is much larger... I think Geneva wears clothes in the house about 25% of the time.

If you catch 'em early enough in the day they sometimes still have their jammies on.

Suddenly, Avery loves it when her sister holds her. It's a nice change.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Oh! And please enjoy the footage I took yesterday:

~xxoo~

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McGough Visit

Avery "Moose" Jones - 1 day old

Madelyn "Teensers" McGough - 3 weeks old

We had the pleasure of hosting Janelle and Madelyn McGough for a weekend this month.

It was so much fun for Janelle and I to have some time to catch up and it was amazing to have all the girls together.

We watched TinkerBell and enjoyed popcorn,

practiced doing our pee-pees together,

had bath time,

enjoyed a chilling afternoon at the park,

and even made it to the zoo (though it was too chilly to pose outside and all the animals were hiding in their warm barns--lunch in the cafe was nice).

I also put together this video that I think "captures" how quickly the time passes with kids...

We look forward to another visit this summer from the entire McGough clan!

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Two... Too Fast!

My baby, Avery Piper, turns 2 on Wednesday.

It sometimes feels like we just brought her home from the hospital to meet her sister.

She was not a small baby (8 lb. 13 oz.)... but my goodness, it does go quickly doesn't it???

In my memories, Geneva seemed like such a "big girl" when Avery was born.

She was 18 months--that's 6 months younger than Avery is today!

Soon her little belly-button "fell off" and it was time for her first real "soak" in the tub.

I don't remember the occasion... but here is the ONE picture of me "done up" in the months that followed Avery's birth.

She had big blue eyes and a generous smile.

She got to spend a little time with her Great Grandmother.

She even got to meet her Great-Great Grandmother (100 years old when this picture was taken).

One of the best days I remember from those hazy first few months was when Avery found her thumb!

She's had this blankie since day one. It's a bit more worn these days... but I'm sure you'll recognize it some of the recent posts (and in those to follow too!).

Toy + Thumb = Happiness

Tummy Time

Avery's first swim (in Florida visiting Uncle Toby, Auntie Terry, Cousin Tyler and Cousin Griffin--along with Papa Clyde, Grandma Debbie, Chrissy, Felicity, Jackie, Nathan and Marissa)!

Yummy... rice cereal for the first time.

Piper learns to sit.

And graduates to her first big-girl bath (with Sissy of course)!

Daddy and Piper

First taste of pumpkin pie with GGMa.

Chillin' with NeeNee

Learning to pull herself up.

Moving on to sippy-cups.

Standing up.

First birthday!

Learning to walk in Oregon.

Learning patty-cakes with Geneva's tutoring.

Solo slides.

First carwash.

First haircut.

First Play-Doh experience.

And first ponytail.

It's too fast.

It's too fast...

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